Why Barre Found Me When I Needed It Most (Part 1)

Fitness and exercise have always been part of my life. At just four years old, my mom signed me up for a kids’ soccer league at our local park, and by middle school I was playing AYSO soccer in Oak Park, Illinois (a suburb right outside of Chicago). In high school at Northside College Prep, sports became my whole world: I played volleyball and soccer, joined cheer, and even spent my senior year on two Latin dance teams. Soccer and volleyball are still my favorite sports, but beyond the games themselves, it was the structure and routine of practice that really grounded me. During the off-seasons, I often struggled without that rhythm.

College was a big shift. I went from training daily for 4 years to barely moving apart from walking to class on Loyola’s campus. Two things kept me from joining sports: I lived off-campus (at my parents house), so it was difficult for me to participate in any type of campus activities. The second reason is because I didn’t think I was “good enough” to play on a team, even intramurally, at a college level. Then the pandemic hit during the second half of my freshman year. Like so many others, I watched Chloe Ting or Daisy Keech Youtube videos of workouts I could do in my room. At first, I was motivated by the promise of quick results - “Hourglass Abs - Do This For 10 Minutes!” I really thought after a week I’d be visibly toned, but I didn’t really stick to it. I was always disciplined when it came to showing up and exercising, but being in my small childhood bedroom wasn’t helping. I reflected on it and found what works for me is putting on a cute outfit, driving to a gym, and overall changing my physical environment.

By junior year, campus finally reopened. I was extremely excited because I became a Resident Assistant (RA)! I would finally be able to live on my own for the first time (for free), be on-campus, and have a normal college experience. I started going to the on-campus gym, and even going to my local X-Sport when I’d spend the weekends at my parent’s house. I learned a lot through a personal trainer at X-Sport and I was extremely disciplined at this time - I was going to the gym 4-6 times per week! I was very proud of myself because I balanced being a full-time college student, RA responsibilities, and going to the gym. My body didn’t change much, but my mental health thrived with the structure. Still, I felt so uncomfortable going to X-Sport. I had worked with a trainer for a couple sessions, but I was on my own after that. The two-story gym was packed with men who always seemed to stare. It wasn’t the gym’s fault, but the atmosphere felt intimidating. From the moment I walked in, I’d pop in my headphones, walk straight to the back, and did my routine in a small corner where there were barely any people. I knew how to use the machines but I felt so intimidated by all the men there.

At the end of my junior year, I left Chicago to study abroad in Nice, France! With all the walking (10k steps daily) and fresh food, I didn’t feel the need for a gym. I was only there for the summer anyway! When I returned, life pulled me away from fitness again - I took a very long pause from exercise. I had just one semester left, but this time around I had my own studio apartment right next to campus which I had to pay for on my own. I was working at a hair salon 6 days a week to afford rent, exercise just didn’t fit into my schedule. After graduating, I was back at my parents house, I started working right away and even traveled on my own, but movement was missing from my life.

A little over a year passed by - I had lived in France, came back to Chicago, I was faced with constant job rejections, and living in my childhood bedroom after having lived the most memorable and enriching experiences abroad. I was so lost during this time, unhappy with my body for the first time, and feeling physically ill. I was never one to care or worry about my weight or what the scale says. Although I had always been very active, since the age of 11, I had chronic gallbladder issues. I would get gallbladder attacks that could last up to 24 hours at a time. It had become very debilitating - I struggled when I was a student and got a gallbladder in class, or at a practice, or even on vacation with family. I had so many tests done and everything always came back “normal.” I was so frustrated because what was happening isn’t normal! In terms of my diet, yes I would eat chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers, but not at a level that should be causing monthly gallbladder attacks for over 10 years! There wasn’t any pain medication I could take to ease the pain. I just had to wait it out. I later read online these gallbladder attacks are worse than child labor, imagine feeling that at 11 years old.

I had lost hope at this point. In July of 2024 I even went to the emergency room. I was met with yet another “normal” ultrasound and a $2,000 bill. Later that summer, I traveled to France and finally got clarity: a $30 ultrasound revealed two gallstones. I was jumping for joy - for ONCE there was physical evidence that I was not ok. Back in Chicago I visited a specialist. She recommended I follow a diet instead of doing a surgery which I reluctantly agreed to.. Keep in mind, during this time, I had been applying to jobs for 4 months with no luck. Pairing that stress with these gallbladder issues, I was really not ok - physically and mentally. For about a month, I tried following a diet but I was so incredibly nauseous after almost every meal, I didn’t want to eat, and I was even throwing up which is not normal for me at all. I was really getting worried at this point because of the gallstones with these new symptoms. As a last resort, I stopped seeing the specialist and booked a consultation with a surgeon at Northwestern Hospital. It only took a 10 minute phone consultation to be heard for the first time in my life. He agreed my symptoms were not normal at all and within two weeks I was scheduled for a gallbladder surgery.

At this point it was November 2024, it had been nearly two years since I’d had real structure in my health. Then, while scrolling on Facebook, I saw an ad for a free class at Purre Barre. Curious, I googled “barre near me” and a studio named “Full Circle Fitness and Social Club” popped up - it was a 10 minute drive from my house! I had never heard of barre in my life. I definitely wasn’t going back to X-Sport for weight training, and even though I played cardio-intense sports in high school, I wanted to try something new. So, I signed up for a free week. On my first visit, I was greeted by a cute petite woman named Lonnie.

And that’s where my journey to becoming a barre instructor truly began—stay tuned for Part 2!