Lessons in Letting Go and Starting Over

Check out Part 2 here if you haven’t already! Last time, I left off at the start of the most challenging eight months of my life.

To recap, I wanted to establish myself in Nice. I had been applying for jobs without success and thought my chances would improve if I moved there and applied in person. However, securing a job that offered visa sponsorship was nearly impossible. Deep down, I had a nagging feeling it wouldn’t work out and that I should return to Chicago, but I was in denial.I had tunnel vision, focused entirely on making Nice work. I imagined walking along the Promenade des Anglais, the sun painting the Mediterranean in hues of gold and blue, as I headed to a job that fulfilled my dream of living in France. Adding to the pressure was my relationship. I had met my partner in Orléans, but he was from Nice, and the idea of a long-distance relationship—or worse, a breakup—felt unbearable.

Chasing the Unattainable

While I tried to maintain a normal routine, I became hyper-fixated on finding a job. My laptop became my constant companion, its glow reflecting the growing frustration on my face as rejection emails poured in. Yet I refused to accept the signs. It became unhealthy—my thoughts consumed me. My partner and I tried to enjoy the summer in the south of France, but as soon as the fun ended, my worries crept back. Questions haunted me: Was I making the right decision? Should I return to Chicago? Was Nice rejecting me? Was this a sign about my relationship? My parents, in their own way, tried to console me. Every phone call home ended with my parents saying, “You could always come back to Chicago.” I could hear the hope in their voices, but to me, it felt like admitting defeat.

After about a month and a half of frustration, I came up with a plan. I researched an independent worker visa and made an appointment in Chicago, thinking it was foolproof. I flew back to Chicago in time for my dad’s birthday. Guilt weighed heavily on me—my family was happy to have me home, unaware I planned to leave again in two weeks. They also didn’t know I had a boyfriend across the ocean.

The Visa Denial and a Toxic Cycle

After the visa appointment, I waited anxiously for a response. The letter finally arrived. I locked myself in my room and flipped through my passport. My heart sank. No visa. A single word on the letter, “Refusé,” sent me into tears. I was devastated.With no backup plan and no jobs lined up in Chicago, I spiraled into denial. My “brilliant” solution? Fly back to France, try again for two weeks, and repeat. Over the next few months, I became a frequent flyer of desperation, making short, frantic trips between Chicago and Nice. Each time, I hoped for a breakthrough, and each time, I returned empty-handed.

By September, the toll of it all was undeniable. My bank account dwindled. My confidence was shattered. Looking back, I’m embarrassed by my decisions. I pride myself on being grounded and logical, but during those months, I felt like a stranger to myself—lost and consumed by disappointment.

Starting Over in Chicago

Eventually, I faced reality and began applying to jobs in Chicago. Each rejection email felt like a punch in the gut, but I kept going. Finally, a breakthrough came: a temp role at my former company. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a start.

Working from home brought its own set of challenges, like family members assuming I wasn’t “really working.” But for the first time in months, I felt a glimmer of progress. While I still dream of returning to France—maybe through TAPIF or a Master’s program—I’ve learned to let go of things outside my control. That’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve poured everything into a dream only to face rejection. I’m lucky to have a supportive family, a home, and resources. That perspective doesn’t erase feelings of failure, but it helps me process them. When I look back, I remind myself of my accomplishments: studying abroad for free, living independently in a new country, and thriving. So why couldn’t I even land an interview in my hometown? Life felt upside down.

Finding Stability and Growth

While I’m doing better, I’m still figuring things out. I dread the end of my temp contract and the thought of restarting the job application process. I struggle to envision my future, but I’ve found comfort in discipline and routine.

I’ve learned it’s okay to feel your emotions—to cry, to yell, to be angry at your situation. But what comes after is what matters most. For me, building structure helped. I started exercising regularly, specifically Barre and Pilates. My days may feel mundane—work until 3 p.m., attend class, and sleep—but the stability has been grounding. I’ve also invested in myself by limiting social media and streaming, instead focusing on online courses. Completing a project management program and working toward certifications in digital marketing and e-commerce have been small but significant victories.

Discipline is the foundation of progress, no matter your background or goals. Motivation follows. As you invest in yourself, you’ll uncover your interests, strengths, and even new opportunities. It’s a long process, but it’s worth it.

Embracing the Process

Reflecting on this whirlwind chapter of my life, I’ve learned that growth rarely comes from a place of ease. It’s often in the moments of rejection, uncertainty, and doubt that we uncover the resilience and discipline we didn’t know we had. While I’m still navigating my path and figuring out what comes next, I’ve come to understand that it’s okay to not have all the answers right now. What matters is the commitment to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

If you’re in a similar place—feeling stuck, facing rejection, or doubting your next move—know that you’re not alone. Take a moment to reflect on your experiences and ask yourself: What’s one small thing I can do today to invest in myself? Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, taking an online course, or simply allowing yourself a day to feel and reset, start there.

I’d love to hear from you: How do you deal with uncertainty in life? What practices have helped you stay grounded when things didn’t go as planned? Share your thoughts, tips, or questions in the comments—I’m here to connect and continue the conversation.